Adoption Home Visit - We're almost there!

The adoption application process is called a "home study". The purpose of it all is to learn as much as possible about our family and our home to make sure that our home is suitable for a child. The final step of the home study process is a home visit. This is where the caseworker comes to your home, interviews you as a family, looks around your house to make sure it's a safe environment, etc. etc.

We've got a really great caseworker! You can really tell she cares about the people she works with! And she has done a great job of helping to make it so this process has been a comfortable one, despite all the emotions that surround it.

The visit went really quite smoothly. She looked around our house and asked questions about childproofing and where the nursery would be, etc. We talked a lot about what's called our "preferences checklist" - a form where we indicate our preferences in the way of age, race, medical history, etc. for the child. Brian & I are of the opinion that the Lord is very involved in the adoption process - and that He will guide us to the child that is meant to be in our family. Therefore, we didn't put any major limitations on race or disability. Our child will be our child, regardless of those things, and we'll love him or her just the same. We were surprised because it didn't sound like that was a very common perspective.

Anyway, as we were wrapping things up, our caseworker asked us if we could have copies of our profile to her before the end of the week so she could present us for approval in staff meeting on Monday. That means that the application process is pretty much over and they'll send out our collage and letter to be shown in LDSFS agencies across the country. It means our online profile and website can officially go live, too. And - most importantly, it also means that whenever we find the right child to adopt - we are ready and able to do it... even on a moment's notice.

Birthdayness

We celebrated Howie's 28th birthday last weekend. One thing that we've established in our marriage is that I'm not really capable of keeping a secret from him. So - he figured out early on that I was planning to get him a hybrid golf club. And then, he also guessed that I planned to take him golfing so he could try out his new club.

It was a day without many surprises - but a good day, all the same. This was the first time I've actually played a game of golf, instead of just practicing on the driving range. We played a simple par 3 and just nine holes. And we went in with the agreement that we would cheat when needed. We had a really, really great time!

Then, we went out to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Howie left me with too good of a clear opportunity to talk to our server - so I made arrangements for them to decorate his cheesecake and for the staff to sing to him. He HATES attention, so he promised all kinds of revenge... But it was a good memory. Don't know that I'll ever pull that one off again.

Finally, we had Howie's family over for dinner. Howie loves homemade chicken cordon bleu... and his mom brought his favorite german chocolate cake. Sunday, we celebrated with my family at Sunday dinner.I'm pretty sure he got the message... but just in case he missed it, I'd like to throw out a happy birthday in the world of blogs. It's been another wonderful year with you! I'm so lucky to have you in my life.

The girls, the boys & the little kids (Introducing Emily's family)

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a bit about Brian's family. So I thought I'd take a minute to introduce my own. There are 7 kids in my family, so growing up we divided ourselves up into groups called "the girls", "the boys" & "the little kids". This is mainly based on birth order... 2 girls, 2 boys, followed by a boy, a girl, and a boy... And it worked well when trying to finagle some special activity. "The boys are going camping, so the girls and the little kids are going to stay home with mom and watch movies", for example.

Anyway - since there are a lot of us, I'm going to use these same groups to introduce us.

The girls

I am the second in my family. I have an older sister who was close enough to me in age that we were pretty good friends all through school. She really helped to show me the ropes in school, and in life - helping me get my first two jobs, double dating, teaching me to drive a stick shift.. all the important stuff. She married a friend of ours from high school and they have one son, who is almost eight. She's a mom first and foremost, but also works from home. Her husband just finished two MBA's. My nephew, in some ways, is way too smart for his age. He knows all about solar systems and trains and a lot of other things. His current fascination is Pokemon.

The other of the "girls" is me.

The boys

My oldest brother is just a year and a half younger than me. He's just oozing with artistic talent, and right now uses that talent to design printed circuit boards and other stuff I don't quite understand. He's also working on finishing his bachelor's degree. His wife says at home with their son, who is almost two, and a real charmer. My nephew is being tested right now to determine if he has autism. His parents are working hard to learn and to teach him some sign language to help him communicate. He loves anything with wheels! My brother and his wife are expecting a little girl who should be born NEXT WEEK!!


My second brother has had more than his fair share of hard knocks in his life. He's struggled with an illness that has severely impacted his life since high school. However, with time he's learned to manage it and we have learned to work together as a family to help him. He is married and has a beautiful little girl! She is three years old and the cutest thing you've ever met. Some of her current favorite things are singing, temples, and veggie tales. Her dad is lucky enough to be a stay-at-home dad and you can tell they adore each other.

The little kids

To be fair, my third brother gets to jump back and forth between the categories of "boys" and "little kids". He returned about 2 years ago from an LDS mission in the Phillipines. Since then, he's been working and going to school. He loves to keep on with friends and traditions from his mission. He also loves video games and can be counted on whenever a gaming party is needed. He also is very involved with his singles ward and his friends and is often off playing ultimate frisbee or bowling or something of the like.

My third (and last) sister recently graduated from high school and is working to establish her place in life. She loves photography and has a job at a local photo studio. She also is VERY good with kids. She has worked in day care centers and schools, and my nieces and nephews on both my side and Brian's family love her as a babysitter.

Finally, my youngest brother is in his senior year of high school. He plays in the school band and works at a local music store. He just finished making his own kayak which he used for a scout troup river running trip. He's always doing something - but is so independent that I don't always know what that something is.

The parents

And, of course, you wouldn't have this big family without parents. My parents are really amazing people. And I don't just say that because they raised all of us without major catastrophe, though that should be counted to their credit. y dad is a computer technician by trade. He loves to fiddle with anything electronic. He also loves anything and everything to do with the outdoors. He's served off and on as scoutmaster for my whole life. He loves camping, hiking, canoeing, and all of that. He also is quite involved in Mountain man recreation, which means that he has all kinds of cool things like teepees and period rifles and jewelry and clothes. He can fix anything, especially cars... though we've probably made him do more of that than any person's fair share.

My mom has always been a stay-at-home mom. She loves the arts, literature, music, etc. and has instilled that in her children. We went to the library every week growing up. And she taught us all piano lessons, as well as putting up with each of us learning another instrument. She also loves good fun. Board games are her forte... no one can beat her at scrabble. (I'm the only one who even comes close). She's always been very involved with the church's record extraction program and has been part of adding millions of names to the family history database. Her children and grandchildren are the center of her life. Even with seven kids, we all have fond memories of one-on-one time with mom.

So - that's my family, in brief. I love 'em. What more can I say?

Emily on birthmothers

When I was in young women's, I had two very good friends. One of them lives across the street from me. The other lived in Nevada, but spent ever summer with her grandma. We loved summers together, especially girl's camp! We always shared a tent. Our last summer of girl's camp, we bought "best friends" necklaces, so we'd remember each other when we were apart.

We didn't know how much things would change in their lives before we were next all together. Towards the end of my senior year of school, my friend across the street got pregnant. The father wasn't very interested in marriage, or even in being part of his son's life. I watched as my friend struggled with changes in hormones and changes in her body, with the choices now ahead of her that were so much bigger than anything we'd imagined at girl's camp. Her mother didn't want to "lose" a grandchild, and so eventually my friend decided to be a single parent, to live with her parents, and to try to raise her son alone. It was hard to watch them struggle financially, to see them stay away from church, and to see them face the criticism that came with that choice. Despite the struggles, I could tell that she loved her little boy. She did all she could to give him a good life and was and is a very good mom.

That summer, my other friend didn't come back from Nevada to visit. But the next year, she did. And things in her life had changed dramatically, too. She, too, was pregnant... just about to deliver. And she had chosen to lovingly place her child for adoption through LDS Family Services. I remember seeing her struggle with the loss that was a part of her choice. I'm sure, though, that what I saw was just the tip of the iceburg. She kept a lot to herself. I also remember her bittersweet joy as, the next year during her visit, she showed me pictures of her son's first birthday party and told me all about his family. I could tell she missed him, but could also feel the peace she had in her choice and the joy it gave her to know that she'd given him what she couldn't offer him alone.

I never imagined that I would end up on the other side of this story one day... hoping to adopt a child. But, once it became clear that this was the plan that Heavenly Father had for me and my family, I started to think about my two friends and about how their experiences would teach me a little bit about the mother who would make it possible for me to be a mother. One of the first things I wondered was how I could help to ease the pain that I had seen my friends go through... How could I help a mother to find the sense of peace that she would need when her heart was aching?

I don't know that I know exactly the best way to do this. But please know that I have seen a glimpse of your heartache and want to do all I can to help. Although I've never been in your shoes, I know your choice isn't an easy one. I know how scary it is when life doesn't go as planned... and what it is to be uncertain of what the future holds.

Know that we're praying for you. Know that we have a huge amount of respect for you. Know that we see your choice of adoption as an act of love and will always teach our children so. And please know that although we don't know you yet, we are already beginning to love you. How can you not love someone who has so much love for a child?

Fireworks in the rain

Have you ever watched fireworks in the rain? Well, we did it for the first time last Saturday.

My family all goes to the fireworks in the town where my parents live each year. And every year, since I got home from my mission, Howie and I have taken his sister and niece with us to these fireworks. This year, even Howie's sister was on her honeymoon, we decided that we should still take our niece. So we picked her up in the early evening. She helped me cook dinner, and then we went to meet my family at the fireworks.

The skies looked ominous all afternoon and, well, just as we were arriving, the heavens opened and it started to rain. It was only heavy for a bit, and then just started sprinkling. But, all of my family was there sitting in their cars, so we decided to wait and see. (Calling each other on our cell phones and running between cars to talk, share treats, and play games.)

Minutes before the show was due to start, the rain stopped. So, we climbed out and went to watch. But, just as Rihanna's "Umbrella" came on in the music accompanying the fireworks came on, it started to rain again. You would have thought it had been ordered that way. Fortunately, the grand finale came next, so we didn't mind so much staying there and getting wet. Besides, it was one of those moments you'll probably never forget.

Family Wedding (Introducing Brian's Family)

I posted earlier that Brian's sister was engaged to be married. The wedding was about a week and a half ago, now - and I thought that writing about the wedding was a good way to introduce his family. So here are some of the highlights from the wedding, and a little bit about the family.

Brian's the youngest of four children - three boys, one girl. His family lives all over the country. His parents are just 10 minutes away from us (so long as it isn't rush hour). His only sister, who just got married, lives just a few minutes away from them. His two brothers live out of state. He also has grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins out of state.

However, scattered across the country as they are, his family is one of the closest I've ever seen. And here's the trick. Whenever something brings the family together in the same place, it is an event! You put other projects on hold - taking time off work, if possible - and you spend that time together.

Family started arriving for the wedding on Thursday, which was also Brian's company Lagoon day. So, we got tickets for all the family that was in town and interested, and we all went together. After a late night, we slept in on Friday, but by noon, went to visit temple square.

Brian's second brother lives all the way on the other side of the country. He has two daughters, ages 6 and 4, and a 1 year old little boy. Both of the girls are very smart - the result of some very smart parents. Because they live so far away and can't visit often, this was a first visit to Temple Square for them. It was fun to experience it through their eyes.

When we got back, Brian's oldest brother had arrived, and all the men went off for a tux fitting. Brian's oldest brother lives in the neighboring state, so they can visit a bit more often. He has two girls, ages 7 (turning eight very soon) and 6. His wife is very shy, but we're pretty good friends. In fact, if it weren't for her and how well the two of us work together, I don't know how Sunday's barbecue would have gone... but we'll get to that.

I'm slipping in a picture of my father-in-law at the tux fitting. He's a very funny man. Usually very quiet and reserved... but very pensive. He liked to really understand things, and isn't afraid to ask whatever questions come to his mind. He's usually not too eager to get in front of a camera, so I had to throw this in.

Saturday night we got a real treat. For the first time since I got married, Brian's family was able to go to the temple together. His parents, brothers, sister, sisters-in-law, grandpa, aunt, uncle, and cousins were there! It was the first chance I've had to be in the celestial room with them all together. (Since I was endowed before my mission, we didn't do an endowment session before our sealing). This picture was taken after we left the temple. It's a bit dark... but still fun to have a picture of us all together at the temple.

Saturday was the rehearsal luncheon. Brian's sister was divorced about 5 years ago, after learning some pretty surprising things about her husband. Since then, she and her 6-year-old daughter have been living with Brian's parents. About two years ago, she was set up on a blind-date with her now-husband by, of all people, his father. He's a really great guy! A good dad for our niece, and a good fit in the family, since he's a computer nerd as much as my brothers-in-law. (Only this sister has resisted the family's love of computers.. and her new husband brings balance to the family.)

The rehearsal luncheon was our first chance to meet his family. Their family is much smaller and more reserved than Brian's... which is funny because Brian's family is INCREDIBLY calm and reserved compared to mine. They treated us to a wonderful lunch, and then surprised us all by shared a family tradition with us. Each member of their family gave a small hand-me-down gift to the bride to welcome her into the family. Each gift was something they already owned, but each has a special significance. I was really impressed by this and vowed to adopt the tradition when my own children are married.

Sunday was Brian's family's turn to host. And, since Brian's mom loves hosting parties - especially weddings - she decided to throw an elaborate Sunday barbecue for all of the extended family. And everything that could go wrong tried to. Fortunately, one of the things I share with my mother-in-law is that we think a lot the same when it comes to hosting parties... so with a little work and a lot of convincing I was able to shoo her out of the kitchen and my sister-in-law and I took care of things while she entertained her guests.

And finally, the wedding was Monday. We arrived early to tie bows on chairs and help where we could. Since there were plenty of people taking care of the bride, I got to hang out in the bride's room and take care of the bride's mother (my mother-in-law). She doesn't often wear makeup... so she had me help her get made up. (Which is funny because I don't wear much... Just the basics that a mission companion of mine who sells Mary Kay introduced me to).

The ceremony was beautiful! By a waterfall... Both bride and groom teared up when they saw each other. The reception afterwards was also beautiful... After a while they opened up a dance floor and my nieces danced the night away. Brian and I were supposed to take extra pictures, which we did for a while, until we got distracted with decorating the car.

After so many late nights, and so much fun, we absolutely crashed! Family visits are always fun, but it always takes us about a week to recover from it. Which is part of why this post took so long to get up.