Emily on birthmothers

When I was in young women's, I had two very good friends. One of them lives across the street from me. The other lived in Nevada, but spent ever summer with her grandma. We loved summers together, especially girl's camp! We always shared a tent. Our last summer of girl's camp, we bought "best friends" necklaces, so we'd remember each other when we were apart.

We didn't know how much things would change in their lives before we were next all together. Towards the end of my senior year of school, my friend across the street got pregnant. The father wasn't very interested in marriage, or even in being part of his son's life. I watched as my friend struggled with changes in hormones and changes in her body, with the choices now ahead of her that were so much bigger than anything we'd imagined at girl's camp. Her mother didn't want to "lose" a grandchild, and so eventually my friend decided to be a single parent, to live with her parents, and to try to raise her son alone. It was hard to watch them struggle financially, to see them stay away from church, and to see them face the criticism that came with that choice. Despite the struggles, I could tell that she loved her little boy. She did all she could to give him a good life and was and is a very good mom.

That summer, my other friend didn't come back from Nevada to visit. But the next year, she did. And things in her life had changed dramatically, too. She, too, was pregnant... just about to deliver. And she had chosen to lovingly place her child for adoption through LDS Family Services. I remember seeing her struggle with the loss that was a part of her choice. I'm sure, though, that what I saw was just the tip of the iceburg. She kept a lot to herself. I also remember her bittersweet joy as, the next year during her visit, she showed me pictures of her son's first birthday party and told me all about his family. I could tell she missed him, but could also feel the peace she had in her choice and the joy it gave her to know that she'd given him what she couldn't offer him alone.

I never imagined that I would end up on the other side of this story one day... hoping to adopt a child. But, once it became clear that this was the plan that Heavenly Father had for me and my family, I started to think about my two friends and about how their experiences would teach me a little bit about the mother who would make it possible for me to be a mother. One of the first things I wondered was how I could help to ease the pain that I had seen my friends go through... How could I help a mother to find the sense of peace that she would need when her heart was aching?

I don't know that I know exactly the best way to do this. But please know that I have seen a glimpse of your heartache and want to do all I can to help. Although I've never been in your shoes, I know your choice isn't an easy one. I know how scary it is when life doesn't go as planned... and what it is to be uncertain of what the future holds.

Know that we're praying for you. Know that we have a huge amount of respect for you. Know that we see your choice of adoption as an act of love and will always teach our children so. And please know that although we don't know you yet, we are already beginning to love you. How can you not love someone who has so much love for a child?